Letters to my mother

Content warning: Death of family member; cancer; suicide; language April 8, 2023 Hi mom, I really don’t know where to start. Do I start with how angry I still am with you? Or do I start with how much I miss talking to you? I don’t know how to process my grief for your death when so much of it is wrapped up in this ball of anger and disappointment that I never got to say goodbye. I can’t help but think you knew you were sick for months and decided not to tell anyone. Did you know? You had to have known. The last time we talked on the phone, I distinctly remembering at the time feeling that something was off. You weren’t your usual self, wanting to talk for hours on end. You sounded tired and I felt like you were eager to get off the phone. Did you know? You had to have known. Dad said you were having bouts of dizziness, lethargy, and abnormally dark urine for weeks. Why didn’t you say anything to someone? Why didn’t you want to go to the doctor to try and get better? Did you know...